No parent should ever have to face watching their child suffer, powerless to do anything about it. Parents will go to great and heroic lengths for their children; they will suffer in their stead and sacrifice everything they have for their sake. Thus, it’s a tragic thing to witness when a parent feels the devastating helplessness when everything they have done and can do for their child is simply not enough. When I got to this fifth meme: “A Movie That Makes Me Cry Every Time,” there was only one that came to mind – and in that, one scene in particular from it – and that’s Terms of Endearment.
Aurora’s daughter is dying of cancer. The nurse is late giving Emma the pain medication, and Aurora has gone to check on it. But what starts as a polite inquiry turns rapidly into hysterical demand. She can’t do anything about the illness, she can’t physically take the pain away, and she can’t kiss and make anything better, as she probably did hundreds of times for the little girl she raised. What she can do though, is make damn sure that she gets that pain shot on time. The scene is less than forty seconds long, but it makes me cry every time (frankly, writing this has been a weep-fest).
One time years ago, when I still watched television, I was flipping channels and landed on this scene right as it began. Without even seeing anything more of the film, I was bawling by the end of it. When Shirley MacLaine won the Oscar for it, she ended her speech with “I deserve this.” Damn straight, she did.
The movie is about more than that though; it’s not Movie-of-the-Week shmaltz and it doesn’t devolve into melodrama. There’s the complicated mother and daughter relationship at the heart of it, but that mother is going through her own renaissance in her affair with the astronaut next door. The daughter is negotiating the defeat of a disappointing marriage and the realization that her choices haven’t brought her what she wanted out of life. Her own children both cling to her and push her away, and she can probably see herself in the child that runs from mommy, who yearns for independence. The movie is about family, friends, and lovers and how the lines between all three can become mixed. Because frequently the people you count on most can let you down, while the ones you would never expect can come through when you need them.
If you haven’t yet seen it, well… have some tissue handy. It’s never unremittingly bleak however, and you’ll be enriched and energized by the experience. Before you run out and rent it though, check out what Lara has to say today!
Gayle – you’re doing great work on this series! This is a movie that I was truly too young to appreciate when it came out, but as I get older, it rises higher in my rankings every time I see it. I think I wanted a “Movie of the Week” when it came out, like some pedigreed version of “The Other Side Of The Mountain”, but I got a much more complicated film than I expected. The complexity of the relationships that you touched on in the article is exactly what makes this one of the greatest films of its era, truly underrated regardless of its Oscars. I think my biggest failure when i originally viewed it was thinking that Emma was weak – she’s as far from weak as a character can get. There are so many great moments, including the scene you wrote about, but the one that gets me is watching her say goodbye to her sons, and Ted’s sweet, sad nod of the head as he closes the door to his mother’s room (and her life in his). The other moment that just breaks me is when Tommy mouths off about Emma to Aurora (“We were never scouts. She was too lazy to go and sign us up”) and the powerful cathartic slap that she delivers to him. It’s some of the best acting I’ve ever seen, and it reminds me so much of the moments in my life when the fragile wall I built around my heart after a death came tumbling down with almost zero notice.
Tully, thanks so much for reading and commenting – I thought I’d probably hear from you through this!
I think I appreciate more and different things about this movie as time goes by… Now that I’m getting older, I relate to a lot of things I never could before. I love that you admire it – it’s got such an unfair reputation as a “chick movie.” Interesting point about Emma, and her being weak/strong. I can see having a hard time understanding the choices she makes, but they’re very pragmatic, grown-up choices. She’s very strong within the limits of what she can and cannot change.
But God, the scene where she says goodbye to her sons… I’m moved by little Ted’s hysterical crying, but it’s Tommy’s stoicism (and Emma’s straight-forward forgiveness and, “I know you love me” that is the most amazing to me. She totally understands him, and is an amazing mother. He’s so lucky that she gives him that parting gift.) And yeah, that slap is incredible too. It’s cathartic for Aurora and for us.
Thank you so much for your personal and heartfelt comments!