While watching the cast of “American Idiot” perform at the Tonys:
(Sighing) I’d give anything to see Carol Channing come down a staircase right about now… I’d sell my feet.
- Jordan
I was curious about when the rapture was going to occur, because I thought if it was soon, and I didn’t have to cast Hairspray, then that would be fine.
- Desha
Discussing eating ostrich and other exotic meats:
I’ll eat anything, because I don’t think it’s fair to pick on the poor cows and chickens just because they’re ugly.
- Dave
On Junior Theatre:
Contrary to popular belief, we don’t run on cookies and rainbows.
- Desha
I’m going to Fashion Valley. I need to feed my soul.
- Richard
Yeah, you probably shouldn’t be in children’s theatre if you can’t at least fake encouragement.
- Gayle
After I’ve been at the bar, and I come home drunk, that’s when I do all of my work.
- Richard
Regarding Cosmopolitan magazine:
I read some of the stuff in there you’re supposed to be doing to men, and I was like… that would put me in the hospital. There’s dangerous stuff in there, and it’s right next to the good stuff. There should be risk-analysis on those things.
- Phillip
After telling her about how petite my sister Lisa is:
She’s like a Shetland person!
- Catherine
Glitter is like the herpes of crafts supplies. It never goes away.
- Vander
Gayle: It’s a children’s book; some kid keeps eating pink cupcakes and then she turns pink.
Cashae: (gasp) That’s my life!
So… I made a joke at rehearsal about Guantanamo Bay… and I’m not sure it was well received.
- Desha
Discussing the incomprehensibility of Michael Jackson fathering children:
It’d be like having sex with a Praying Mantis… who’s molting.
- Romany
Gayle: I don’t need any more gay men… I’ve got about all the gay men I can take.
Richard: There should always be more gay men… Gayle, there are women in Africa with no gay men.
Richard: Speaking of S&M…
Desha: Oh, if I only had a nickel…
Giving a speech at her second wedding:
She asked me if I was in love, and I said: I don’t know anything about being in love – I was married for 32 years!
– Linda
People who don’t serve alchohol at their weddings are just asking for a doomed marriage.
– Richard
Have no fear – Linda and Mike DID serve alchohol.
Debating whether or not to see a show:
Gayle: I don’t know… I am curious about it.
Desha: I’m like, ‘Youtube curious’ – like, I’d like to be able to see a clip of it, but turn it off if it gets too bad.
A lot of gay men – if you made them inanimate – they could pass.
– Richard
Speaking facetiously for me:
There’s very little I wouldn’t do for sex, but there’s even less I wouldn’t do for money.
– Desha
Desha: I gotta work early tomorrow – there’s a staff meeting at 8:30.
Gayle: Good Lord – what the hell for, that you have to get in that early?
Desha: I don’t know… Maybe someone’s getting fired. If it’s me, I can go back to bed.
Anxiety makes you lose weight – panic is like, the best diet ever.
– Matt A.
Oh my God, we’re in Irvine. How the hell did that happen?.
– Richard
While helping me hang pictures in my apartment:
Gayle: Desha – you’re a real pal.
Desha: You know, the last time you said that, I was measuring your ass.
While discussing our different tastes in Mochas:
Desha: You like your chocolate like you like your men: dark and bitter… Whereas I like mine white and stupid.
Gayle: I think “White and sweet” is what you mean there…
Desha: (with affected accent) I like my coffee like I like my men: stupid… I think I’m just gonna start saying that.
Last night I was trying to do “I Would Die 4 U” at the same time as doing “2 Legit 2 Quit” with my other hand, and… It’s impossible.
– Richard
Followed by 10 minutes of Desha, Richard and Romany trying to do exactly that, before concluding that, yes, it is indeed impossible.
When it comes down to it… Anytime we fall even a little bit in love, we become a little bit sick.
– Desha
Regarding the benefits of pretending to be Canadian while abroad:
Well, technically, we’re not bombing anyone either – we’re just sitting here eating cheese. It’s really annoying going out in the world and suddenly I’m the asshole.
– Romany
You’re both consenting adults – you can go find a place to have sex.
– Desha
Upon hearing that I wouldn’t be receiving severance pay from TE, but would probably receive a bonus:
They’re better at charity than justice.
– Sonya (my therapist, bless her)
To Richard, who has been unconsciously bouncing/dancing to Mama Mia:
It’s inherent in your heartbeat, disco is.
- Desha
During a sentimental group-hug:
Zicciah: This is so sad – it’s like the Series Finale of a TV show…
Romany: Oh come on – you just know we’re gonna do “The College Years.”
02/16/08
During a discussion of our HG Theatre ghost stories:
Will: I saw the ghosts last night, and they were really nice to me.
Berto: Yeah – they were, like… givin’ him strawberries and shit.
02/18/08 – the Closing Party
They’re downstairs looting, by the way… Just thought you should know.
– Desha, 02/17/08
That’s why I came down here – so I could get back on the goddamn board (the Overheard page). I’m tired of having to scroll all the way down the page.
– Justin, 02/17/08
Hey, watch it, there’s a lady present – Jen’s here.
– Gayle, 02/17/08
We talk with people and then we talk about them. It’s what we do.
– Desha, 02/17/08
I was like the older brother he had to keep things from… Richard was his gay mentor. Sometimes he just wanted too much attention – I was like “Leave me alone, that’s what Richard is for.”
– Justin, 02/17/08
I just don’t wanna be sitting there, having awkward whiskey.
– Romany, 02/16/08
In reference to my outfit, two days after John Edwards suspended his campaign:
I see you’ve gone to purple… You don’t think it’s too soon?
- Jen
Regarding his Video Camera:
Gayle: I can take it home to see how it works… Is there anything recorded on there? Check to see that there’s nothing pornographic.
Duane: Lemme see… There a really good chance that there is…
Berto: What is it that Mel Gibson says at the end of “Braveheart?”
Robbie: …Ouch?
Regarding possible emotions at the closing of TE:
Gayle: I don’t know if I’ll cry, actually.
Lydie: I’ll try to cry… Like, I’ll try to think of a lot of sad things.
To Zicciah:
You did that the other night at dinner… Instead of talking about yourself, you just sat there thinking about yourself all night.
– Gayle